lickingbrains: cihespin: cybergay: cloudy with a chance of me not getting laid this summer Seriously. amen.
sadillite: all i do is sit around and eat and be sad im basically a more annoying version of a plant
me at school: omg when i get home i've got to do loads of shit like finish that project and read that book omg i need to review for that test too omg so much to do
me at home:
I wouldn't be afraid of spiders if I could just...
Me: Oh, hey whoa, this shower is occupied.
Spider: Omg man I didn't see you there.
Me: We cool?
Spider: Yeah, yeah, we're cool. I'm just coming down to scope out the tub.
Me: Oh, that's legit. Hey, you might wanna move over some--you're descending right into the shower stream and I don't want you to drown.
Spider: Hey thanks, bud. I'll be careful.
Me: So...can I get out now?
Spider: Sure, sure! Sorry I'll just move over here.
Me: Thanks. You have a nice night. Don't come into my bedroom, okay?
Spider: Nah, that's your space. We're cool. Have a great evening.
is your name Stupid because youre stupid
snarg: truth or dare more like preform a strange sexual act or tell me who you like
There are all kinds of love in this world, but never the same love twice.– F. Scott Fitzgerald (via superrjew) 😭😭😭😭😭😭 this is so true. (via vlaurenvxo)
vlaurenvxo: there’s no logical reason for shorts to be the same price as pants Lol y am I laughing
(I work in a Coffee Shop. I was on break in the lobby when a couple walks in. Directly behind them is a cute little boy in Batman costume.)
Me: “Oh my God! It’s BATMAN!”
(The boy stops, strikes a pose and starts looking around menacingly. After a few seconds, he approaches the counter.)
Mother: “Jeff, would you like a chocolate milk?”
Boy: “I am not Jeff. I am The Batman.”
Mother: “The Batman, would you like a chocolate milk?”
Boy: “Yes. Yes, The Batman would.”
(The couple pays while the boy sits down with his chocolate milk. He keeps a stern look on his face as he sips the drink.)
Boy: *sips* “Gotham is safe.”